Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss breaks down why most people fail at negotiation and reveals the tactical empathy strategies that separate the top 1% from everyone else. Drawing parallels between high-stakes kidnappings and everyday conversations—whether you're closing a deal, resolving conflict at home, or pushing through an athletic challenge—Chris shows how reframing your mindset and mastering the art of listening can completely change your outcomes.
"You win or you learn. It takes defeat completely out of it."
"If you're constantly learning the goal is to continue to learn... you never really recover from trauma if you're a learner, but if you're a perfectionist you're constantly recovering from it."
"The way to deal with stress is to relax into it. When you relax, your body mobilizes its resources differently."
"I simply accepted it was a possible outcome and it could happen and instead of being afraid of it, it's a possible outcome."
“I found personally and this is why I think a lot of people mistake anger is a way to give them high performance anger is a way of waking up a negative emotion might be a way of pulling you out of depression sadness I learned a number of years ago that if I was very sad about something unhappy depressed loss of my mother whatever it might be if I were to think of somebody that really annoyed me that I mean just really made me angry I could feel the sadness being soaked up and taken away immediately”
“if you can get yourself to relax into stress your body mobilizes its resources differently your heart rate increases your circulatory systems increases its capacity to pump blood to your extremities when you relax so consequently if you can get yourself to relax into stress your body mobilizes resources more effectively”
“the microtels are helping you diagnose the barriers on the other side the fears exactly what their fears are and one of the things in our most recent thinking now in a Black Swan group we've come up with the 11 Commandments of negotiation and I think number four is Thou shalt not ignore latent signs which is effectively microtels”
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