Today it's part two of the rules of how to be a cyclist
Today it's part two of the rules of how to be a cyclist. Let's cue that intro! The big question is this. How do we use cycling as a tool to improve our health, our happiness, and our long-chevages? That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Anthony Walsh and welcome to the Roadman Podcast. Rodman, welcome back to another Rodman, Cycling Podcast. It's another week on the Rodman Cycling Podcast and I hope everybody wherever you are in the world is getting out and riding your bike even if you're under some COVID restrictions that you're still getting out and exploring the very limits of those restrictions and getting some fresh air because honestly stuck inside on swift looking at computers, it's not good for you, it's not good for for your mental or physical health. Today I wanna talk to you about the rules of becoming a bike rider. This is a club, an underground cult called the Valuminati. You might've seen these rules online. I've seen them years ago, but I came across them again last week and I thought these are just hilarious. So over the course of three episodes, this being part two of three. I'm gonna bring you some of the funniest Valuminati rules, and I'll give you a more little bit of commentary on those. Before I jump into today's podcast, Let me remind you about Patreon, because Patreon is the reason we're up now at episode I think we're like 210 or over 210 at the moment, which is absolutely unbelievable, but it's a big thank you to you because you the listeners have funded a dust fire and this is a call to please if you're sitting on the fence, take that plunge and contribute 5 euro once a month, it's the price of a point of beer once a month to keep this show on the road. These subscriptions are commonplace with the big tech companies, now your Netflix, your Amazon's, but these companies that really nameless faceless companies and they don't care, it doesn't make a difference. We're in an area of contributing to small business and it really does make a difference. And as a small business owner, I can tell you that it really is appreciated and puts a smile on my face every single time somebody makes a contribution. So the link is to make a contribution is over on patreon.com forward slash Anthony underscore watch. It's just down below. Let's get into Voluminati Rules. Rule number six, I'll give you the rule, then I'll give you my little taunts on the rule. Free your mind and your legs will follow. Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all you're taking before you start your bike. Once the pedals start to torn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the road, the smell of the air, the sounds of the towers, the feeling of the flight of the bicycle as it rolls over the road. I would even preface that one further and say, as your difficult part for me is the the 30 minutes before I get on the bike. I'm not sure if you identify with this if you're not in the long to this podcast.
30 minutes before I get on the bike is when I find myself starting to…
But the 30 minutes before I get on the bike is when I find myself starting to make little excuses. Oh, maybe I should do this. Maybe I should push this off. Maybe, you know, they're just bullshit. Press the recorder on your phone and record a little voice note and record all the reasons you're thinking about postponing your ride, shortening your ride, moving it to later in the day. Listen back to that voice note later on and you are a straight up bitch, your reasons are shit. Listen to them under all things like it's a little bit cold out there which the project and work dancing with the stars is on the replay. They're bullshit go ride your bike so switch your mind off even before you start riding your bike. Think less do more. Rule number 14 shorts should be black, team issue shorts should be black with the possible exception of side panels which may much the rest of the kit. This is an obvious stoiolistic tip. Shorts should be black or dark color. They're the only exemptions I'll give you. I'll give you like a dark navy or something like that. We all remember them white shorts from one of the French names back in the day. Not a good look. No one needs to see your slum when it starts raining. It's just it's not a good look. Rule number 22, cycling caps are for cycling. Cycling caps can be worn under helmets but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think this will look. This will render at one a douche and should result in public berating and beatings. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while fully clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after rides such as machine tune in tire pumping. They're also possible to use these for cafe appearances for a pre-roy espresso or a post-royed appearances for body refueling ails. Yeah, this is in reference to cycling caps have just become a little bit hipster over the last few years and especially in suburbs around New York, Brooklyn where you're seeing a lot of people just wearing a denim jacket, pair of denim jeans and a cycling cap walking down the road. Don't be that dude, the voluminaty have spoken. The last one I'm going to give you for today again, another one I love because it just tells you you've got your priorities right. Rule number 25, bikes on the top of your car should be worth more than the car. Brilliant, or at the very least, they should be relatively more expensive. Basically, if you're putting your hoofy on your rolls, you're in trouble mister. Remember what Sean said. I think it's back to a reference to a Sean Kelly quote. I'll give you One more, just because I'm loving these so much. Number 30, Shave your guns. Legs are to be perfectly shaved at all times. If for some reason your legs are left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hot to shave drawers to be considered a hippie douche on your way to the crit.
Whether you use a straight razor or a bowing knife, just keep them…
Whether you use a straight razor or a bowing knife, just keep them smooth. I've one brilliant story about shaved legs. It's a great Irish roider, Roger Aiken. I want you to watch some of you foreign roiders, He was a brilliant Irish amateur rider and at the best of times was able to trow it down to the very best in Ireland or English pros. But I remember the Ross in 2000 and 13 and I was riding for Estella's Concology Pro Cycling and we came back as part of our UCI calendar to race in Ireland and we raced the Ross which is an 8-day 2.2. But the Ross is the breeding ground where amateurs and professionals meet and my director was given a team talk about the race and tactics And he was very disparaging to amateurs, basically the tone of it was, you know, keep them out of your way, stay away from them, they're dangerous. And I remember thinking he's just not given enough respect, especially to some of the guys here that I know are very good bike riders. And then he mentioned he's like one of them's even gone, he's positioned himself up near the front and he hasn't even got his legs shaved. And I knew he was talking about, I knew he was talking about Roger Reakin. Fast forward seven days later into the race, more on one of the key climbs in Wicklow. the Che Elliott Climb in Wicklow and Roger Aiken is attacked over the climb out of the front group. Nobody can hold him and I think he's virtual Yellow Jersey on the road. Our team or a panic, every other pro team is panic trying to chase him and he punctured on the way into Nace or who knows maybe his name would have been written large in Ross history. So there you go, if you are good enough you can deviate from Rule number 33 but only very re sparingly if you have that rare once in a generation talent like our very own Roger Dodger. Well man thank you for listening to another roadman podcast and stay tuned tomorrow because I will be bringing you part 2 of our 3 part special on the Voluminary Rules. Jatiya then. Hey everybody it's Anthony again, really quick I want to invite you to join arguably the best thing I've ever put out inside the roadman community. It's a challenge, it's a challenge called a 14 day kickstart challenge. So regardless of where your fitness is at right now, this is going to be the catalyst for making you faster and making you leaner. I've created this challenge to take the guesswork out of everything. It's 14 days of training plans, regardless of what your level is. There's the master's beginner advanced, there's meal plans, shopping list and even a video course holding your hand and talking you through at all. So what I recommend you do right now is just stop everything, press pause on this audio and go to roadmancycling.com forward slash 14 day or check out the link in the bio that roadmancycling.com slash 14 day.