with Eva Lovia
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Eva Lovia opens up about her transformation from adult film performer to podcast host, exploring how she rebuilt her identity and life after a decade in the industry. She discusses the courage required to show your authentic self to the world, the importance of identity in achieving health goals, and why nuanced conversations about body image, nutrition, and relationships matter far more than polarizing takes.
"I always wanted to do more like there was more to me. I wanted to share the real me. I wanted to reinforce that Candace is a real person and not the performer, and if I was going to do that I had to kind of be the brave one and put myself out there."
"You can have sex that's intimate, you can have intimacy that's sex, and you can also have intimacy that's not sex and sex that's not intimate—they're not necessarily mutually exclusive. It's all in the energy you're going into it with."
"If you're going to live to 120, that's potentially 100 years with a person. Do you want something as simple as a sexual encounter with someone to uproot and destroy that relationship? Or do you maybe want to have a nuanced perspective and customize that for yourselves?"
“I wanted to reinforce that Candace is a real person and not the performer and if I was going to do that I had to kind of Be The Brave One and put myself out there it's going to sound funny because the other one Probably sounds a lot more intimate and vulnerable but it's actually a lot scarier to introduce the real you to your platform and to the world because that's the real thing that people try to tear down and then that hits home a little bit more than this fiction person.”
“Something like one in five Millennials has at one point been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship so they've been in some form of polyamory open relationship monogamish like they've kind of played with the rules and boundaries of their relationship so that's pretty high I think that's like the highest it's been in a very long time and one in five people will not admit that in a public space.”
“I was in the industry for so long that I kind of started to lose that intimacy you know you're going on set you're just there for work to perform and it's really easy to now get into a habit that all sex is not intimate so once I got out it was actually this moment where I had to reestablish what is intimacy what does that feel like and get okay with that vulnerability with my husband.”
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Apply for Coaching →Lot of times we have to experience a certain level of discomfort before we're motivated to do something different like you can kind of coast in the middle for a while and you can kind of bear the um I don't know like the the unhappiness or the lack of motivation or just like the compl complacency I always wanted to do more like there was more to me I wanted to share the real me I wanted to reinforce that Candace is a real person and not the performer and if I was going to do that I had to kind of Be The Brave One and put myself out there candas welcome to the Roan podcast how are you I'm great thank you for having me congratulations on your podcast you've had some absolutely killer guests I've been listening to your back catalog yeah I've been super fortunate sometimes when I land certain guests I'm like I have no idea how this manifested but I'm just going to keep rolling with it who's been your favorite the chat oh my gosh that's so hard um I've just I just had Elise CV on the episodes not out but but that's supposed to go out next week so I'm really excited to have her on she actually came in person um I've had Chris Will Williamson on that was great Viana was incredible so she's the wife of Aubrey Marcus I mean I I'm really fortunate I try to pick guests that I'm genuinely curious about like their area of expertise or their life or their story so I try not to do too many like quote Filler episodes so there's automatically that kind of connection and Rapport Chris Williamson is a brilliant one I actually haven't heard interview with him I'm going to check that out I'm a big fan of his podcast he's someone and you're doing it at the moment as well that transition from remote like we're doing now to iners it's a jump that not a lot of podcasts make and we're in that process at the moment and it's tough because I'm based in Ireland so as Charming as my Irish accent is I don't think you would have traveled across the sea for this for this episode today it's hard it's really hard even if you have the the resources to pay for the travel a lot of people just don't want to justify the time which I get it's like usually a day two days of travel depending on where they're traveling from plus the day to record so it's three days for a podcast so even if you cover the expenses it's really hard because I live in North Carolina so it's not necessarily a hub for podcasting like Texas or Miami or LA or Austin um or I mean meant New York so it's a lot harder to kind of get people out here where if they go to something like Austin they can maybe do 10 podcasts while they're out there you're not tempted to move to Austin Joe Rogan seems to be like magnetic force to bring podcasters to one area he is he created a movement we definitely we've been toying with it honestly since the pandemic we've kind of had our pulse on it but um right now it's not the time but it's definitely a possibility North Carolina's amazing I had a I had training camp back there when I was with American team of stellis oncology and I remember flying into North Carolina my flight was delayed and it was the strangest experience because I hadn't met my teammate before and this is a custom on AER cycling teams we don't have it so much in Europe where you'll share a physical bed with a teammate and that's like just totally normal whereas you know you'd share a room in Europe but never a bed so I flew in late and this was a team I'd never been with before and the manager dropped me off of the room and he's like yeah you're in room 112 with Colton so I went to room 112 and there's like one bed and Colton's asleep and I got back out to the manager I'm like hey like there's only one bed in there I must be a mistaken he's like no you and Colton are sharing so I had this weird uncomfortable semi homoerotic experience of crawling into the bed beh beside a stranger and being like hey colon I'm your new teammate Anthony and then trying not to move for the night so it's like it was weird but yeah North Carolina was beautiful yeah I never had guessed that what motivated you to start the podcast um I think probably a very similar answer to most podcasts that are about 3 years old was we had a huge increase in time in avail ability during the pandemic and probably an inspiration to add a positive light voice to a lot of the conversations that are out there because I think unfortunately the things that get the most traffic and that go the most viral are very outrageous takes one side or another and it's really hard to get that kind of traction if you have a sound voice and you're kind of representing the middle so my take and my hope is to get to represent the majority in a kind way in a light way in a and fun happy way but also getting into serious topics and hopefully that catches on because people can resonate with it yeah I think the real heroes of the pandemic are the people who didn't start podcasts yes thank you everybody your part into podcasting we spoke off ear about my part it's being anything but straight from lawyer to cyclist to entrepreneur into podcaster for listeners who don't know too much about your backstory tell me about your squiggly line into podcast in so I started off as a glamour model so I did the hot rod magazines um like those biker babe magazines car magazines and then I started kind of getting into more of the adult space and then over a span of 10 years I got into adult film and I was contracted to some of the biggest companies in the world still like one of the top ranked performers even though I've been retired for almost a decade um and I started my own production business for a while because I I there weren't a lot of female-owned companies and I didn't really necessarily like how the talent was being treated on set and that
Was one of The Inspirations for me to kind of leave the industry was a a string of bad experiences so rather than um I don't know like victimize myself or say it's the industry's fault I just wanted to kind of provide a third option like a better option for some performers to work for including myself and throughout that I felt like I always wanted to do more like there was more to me I wanted to share the real me I wanted to reinforce that Candace is a real person and not the performer and if I was going to do that I had to kind of Be The Brave One and put myself out there it's going to sound funny because the other one Probably sounds a lot more intimate and vulnerable but it's actually a lot scarier to introduce the real you to your platform and to the world um because that's the real thing that people try to tear down and then that hits home a little bit more than this fiction person um yeah so I don't know I it took a lot of nudging from certain people in my life like my husband and certain fans and they were like we would really love for you to start a podcast I'm like I'm not ready no one wants to listen to me I'm not qualified who do I think I am and I think that voice just got a little bit louder and clearer and then I decided to hit record and I was terrified if you go back and watch my first few episodes they're horrible I'm horrible but I think it's important to have those out there because it can show the growth right you suck at everything that you try most of the time some people are very lucky or gifted or talented but most people um you'll see the growing pains throughout whatever it is that they're trying especially if it's new so I want to inspire people that you're not going to be great off of the bat and that's okay uh my first episodes were Beyond terrible I listen back to them recently and I was like oh my God why did anyone tune in when I look back at my life though I often hear people saying I drifted down a path and I'm not really sure how I got there I did definitely that's never been the case for me it hasn't been two PS slightly diverging in the woods it's been hard Crossroads I was in law I really didn't like it hard Crossroad out of there same with cycling a very conscious decision to leave it same with entrepreneurship podcasting arguably you drifted a little bit down it but was the adult industry something that you made a conscious choice that was your nth star and you had a dream to beat her I did yeah and that's probably going to be surprising to a lot of listeners but that was something that from some of my youngest memories I knew I wanted to get into and obviously the younger you are you don't necessarily know the full spec of what you're getting into but I did know that I wanted to I wanted to find whatever made Pamela Anderson Pamela Anderson and whatever made terara Patrick terapatrick there's this Essence that they both seem to have and I wanted it so badly and I think that with the information that I had right we had centerfold magazines that were available and maybe like that adult section in the back and then as we got older we had the internet so we saw like these different outlets and ways to kind of enter that industry so I very intentionally sought it out because there was something that I don't know it's kind of indescribable it was like that was that was my path at that time and you got into the adult industry quite early you were like 21 22 years of age 21 mhm what's that like because that's also a period of exploration you know you're becoming a woman you're starting to cultivate your first Rel relationships what's that like juggling relationships with that career pot so I actually just got out of a pretty longterm relationship that was definitely not good for me and I had a lot of the traditional ideologies in my mind which probably kept me there for a really long time which was you know if you lose your virginity to someone that you you just lost something of value you don't get back and now I'm no longer a value to someone else because I gave this thing away like came from a pretty Christian background so because it was first boy that I lost my virginity to I stayed for a really long time even though I should have left a lot sooner and I think with when it comes to change a lot of times we have to experience a certain level of discomfort before we're motivated to do something different like you can kind of coast in the middle for a while and you can kind of bear the um I don't know like the the unhappiness or the lack of motivation or just like the compl complacency so I I think I got to a point where the pain point was enough where I ended that relationship and that was when I was I felt totally free I'm like now I can explore myself my sexuality this industry that I've been wanting to get into but I knew he would never have allowed it and it's kind of funny because as I was entering that industry and really starting to pick up a lot of um popularity is when I met my now husband and he is the polar opposite of the the guy I was with before like he I just have never met anyone like him and the way that he saw the world was so inspiring to me and heot vade and me to be the best version of myself and the way that we both view love and a lot of it is to his credit is not through ownership or possession or limitations or this cage but it's truly accepting somebody for who they are and having real unconditional love like without strings attached without all these parameters and it's just like no I see you and I love you well this is a narrative I think that a lot of us grew up living with you know we're roughly the same vintage and definitely I grew up with sort
Of a a Catholic moral compass of you know this is the one way you need to be in a relationship and I was the exact same at a seven-year relationship which I probably stayed in for longer than I should have because of that traditional view of this is how you know a relationship should be it's you you marry your college sweetheart you have kids you settle down white picket fence and there was almost a sense of Shame around thoughts and Ur just creeping in that like oh I'm in my you know 20s should be experimenting I should be having fun and those two are pushing against each other this idea of well this is actually what I want I want to have fun I want to have have exper experiments and experiences and that's pushing and sort of banging heads against the the upbringing I had and people are jostling with that still they are and you have to kind of ask if if it's serving you and if it's what you want if that programming is what you want because I don't think a lot of us realize that we have the power and capacity to change that to change that factory setting that default Network that has been given to us by family and our parenting and culture and religion and all of these things so you have the choice to redefine what shame means to you and what sexuality means to you and I mean if you just go pre Catholic and pre-christian movement and you go more into paganism or you go more into Greek mythology it was a lot more sexually liberated it like there was no inherent shame around sex in fact it was more celebrated and it was seen as this abundant creative life force and something really powerful to own and not NE nothing that was um a derivative of shame or unworthiness or uncleanliness all of these things that we kind of have right now so and you just have to ask like are you happy with your perspective that you have now or would you like to sit down with it meditate with it get down to the first principles of what that is and redefine it for how it fits into your life now so with your new partner did he have to go on a journey to try and separate intimacy as in what you guys had together and sex your vocation and was that difficult for him I'm sure it was yeah we it wasn't like he's not a monk so it definitely was not without any arguments or tears or moments where we were just all so disconnected um but I think we were both committed to really making the relationship work we both really loved each other so like how can we how can we get through this because we want to and we don't want to have this shame we don't want this relationship he actually used to joke all the time when he was young that he was never going to get married and never going to settle down because the only type of woman um that he could see himself with would be a porn star and he's like and that's never gonna happen and then somehow he ran into me dream big son dream big I know it's hilarious um but it ended up working out because he the way that he had viewed marriages and relationships was kind of like the death of himself and the death of his creative ability and and being anchored down and not being able to travel because that was kind of what was modeled for him so then he met me which is like this wild creature kind of running around that's not going to be um caged up and I was like no I want to take you with me on this adventure and he's like I want to take you on this adventure with me and like we both just kind of had this adventurous explorative um perspective on on life and yeah so I I think for him a lot of it was internal and it was getting down to where his shame was coming from and how he viewed intimacy and sex and are they inherently different are the same and speaking from my perspective I think that you can have sex that's intimate you can have intimacy that's sex and you can also have intimacy that's not sex and you can have sex that's not intimate and they're not necessarily mutually exclusive so it's all in kind of your energy going into it like you can do the same action um coming from multiple places so surpris maybe not surprisingly but I was in the industry for so long that I kind of started to lose that intimacy you know you're going on set you're just there for work to perform and it's really easy to now get into a habit that all sex is not intimate so once I got out it was actually this moment where I had to reestablish what is intimacy what does that feel like and get okay with that vulnerability with my husband because I'd been so long with kind of removing that from sex I think more people everyone seems to on the surface level if you ask them on front of their friends in front of their parents their Pro monogamy it's their default position but I think privately when I chat to some of my friends that's a narrative that's getting challenged more and more but there's there's almost a there's a vulnerability around admitting that you're happy to be in a non monogamous relationship well something like one in five Millennials has at one point been in a consensual non- monogamous relationship so they've been in some form of polyamory open relationship monogamish um um like they've kind of played with the rules and boundaries of their relationship so that's pretty high I think that's like the highest it's been in a very long time uh one in five people will not admit that in a public space so you're I know this is the problem yeah so you're right but it it comes with a lot of fear and a lot of judgment and people are just kind of avoiding it and also I think it's okay to keep some things private we also live in this era where we share everything with everyone all the time and maybe some things are just for you and your partner like not everyone needs to know your sexual Behavior I
Think it would be helpful if there were more people out there that were saying no like you can customize a relationship because in my mind if you meet someone in your 20s and it's Till Death doest part like let's say your goal is to live to 120 right like everyone's on this longevity train and all Peter is content and like how can I outlive like all of this stuff so if you're going to live to 120 that's a 100 years potentially with a person do you want something as simple as a sexual encounter with someone to um uproot that and destroy that relationship or do you maybe want to have a nuanced perspective of that and that doesn't mean an open relationship but that just means like a different perspective on what that means to you and you get to customize that so I think the more blueprints we had out there for atypical relationships the better it would be for other people to kind of navigate their own today's episode is brought to you by better help as we pedal closer to the end of another year I can't help but reflect on the highs and lows that come along with it whether it's the excitement of the holiday season or gating the occasional winter Blues it can be a bit of a roller coaster I've been thinking about how this time of year can be a little bit overwhelming dealing with the stress and changes that accompany it all whether you've ever dipped your toes in the therapy or not let's chat about the bigger picture benefits and a language we can all relate to think of it as a toolkit for Life a bit of space where you can learn the ropes of positive coping skills some time for self-reflection and even somewhere where you can learn how to set those critical boundaries in your life if you're contemplating the therapy Journey why not give better help a spin this is therapy that's entirely online crafted for ultimate convenience flexibility and tailor to your schedule just a quick questionnaire to match you with a licensed therapist and the freedom to switch things up 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Demands that someone like myself evolve and change and develop and not be stuck in this past version because that's deplorable like you can't be in this hedonistic Lane for your whole life and I mean I think we all have different seasons as well like I'm not bashing Hedonism because I think that there's a good dosage for that as well I think some people can overdo it some people are underdoing it and there's like this um calibration that you have to do but I think that Society kind of Demands that especially as you become a wife or you become a mother or you become a philanthropist whatever it is like you are forced to um kind of like show your metamorphosis to everybody to say I'm more than in this thing and I think a lot of people don't have that luxury they don't have that pressure so that there is more complacency for some people because they're accepted as as they are right like you're a teacher that's totally okay you don't have to work on any personal development you don't have to work on your relationship you don't have to work on your body like you're fine as you are where with me it's like you're not good enough you're what you did is wrong you have this permanent a prove to me that you're a better person and to me I think that's a blessing I could look at it and victimize myself and say oh poor me the whole world doesn't accept me or the decisions that I made like obviously they're not I knew that going into it I knew that was a crazy decision I knew most people think that that's a a bad industry um but I did it anyway so I think that that pressure is um has kind of helped motivate me to do more and be more it's a nice fresh perspective because you can you can pull a positive out in nearly any situation and it's giv you contacts it's givv you ability to be in front the camera it's giving you exposure to a lot of the content creation side that's now you know so necessary to forge a career in podcasting yeah I mean I definitely learned a lot and you can you can take that with anything and I think perspective is huge and you can look at things with um you know like a pessimistic view or an optimistic View and it's ultimately up to you it's like you get to create the reality that you want so which one is going to serve you and and play out better in the long run is it going to sit there and to be woe is me or is it going to say this was a great learning opportunity and now I have all of this perspective or this skill set and I can move that and translate it to something else like using that that experience as a stepping stone into something bigger and like the next version of yourself because hopefully I mean we're always growing whether it's 0.1% every single day you just want to try to be a little bit better every day and constantly be growing and especially if you're a parent right like you don't want to be static you
Don't want to show your kids that like once you hit 30 that's it you want to like no I'm a curious person and I'm constantly trying to figure out the world and the universe and myself and my mind and um yeah like you don't you don't want to stop I've listened back to some of your podcasts and I'm struck with the links between sport modeling adult industry I recently had a live podcast in London with a former model Sarah an Macklin and she shot some of the you know biggest magazines in the world but as we were exploring the live podcast there is the exact same dietry culture within both Industries and it's not necessarily a healthy diet culture it's totally calorie deprived it's this constant obsession with calories in versus calories out and I've heard you in one of your podcasts saying calories in calories out is [ __ ] expand on that for me a little bit oh my gosh how much time do we have um so again looking at everything as like this is happening for you I really tried to to live by that as much as I can and I've come short just like everyone else but I try to look at everything as happening for me so I had this guest like a really big guest and they had C canceled rescheduled rescheduled no and eventually no showed like three or four times and who was it shame them shame though it was James Smith yeah so do you know oh I'm never getting him on the podcast and he's actually yeah he's friends with one of my friends too and like we we are one degree apart and I really wanted to have him come on and I was like you know what this is a blessing and disguise because the week that he was supposed to come on all of these episodes kind of came out on Diary of CEO and it was focusing a lot on nutrition and different different aspects that affect our our weight like how we hold on to weight so his perspective is always calories and calories out and like that's kind of pretty much it like it doesn't matter if you're drinking diet coke um it doesn't matter if you're whatever you're eating as long as your your output is more and that's not true at all and the science doesn't agree with that so um we know when it comes to the microbiome that dictates a ton of how our hormones work so so much so and this isn't necessarily weight related but I'll get into that one after this story um some countries over in Europe when it comes to trying to treat autism is they'll actually do do stool um what do you call them transplants so they'll take stool from a healthy neurotypical child and put them into a an autistic child and they are seeing some benefits like that's how critical your microbiome is so they've done studies and I think that this was at Stanford it might be at Harvard it's one of one of those Ivy League schools where they took the um the stool from an obese Mouse and put it into a skinny mouse and then the skinny mouse even though the diet stayed the same couldn't lose the weight because it now had the micro microbiome of an obese Mouse so that was disrupting its ability to shed weight um another study that was done at Stanford was like this milkshake study so they took two groups of people same exact milkshake told the one group hey this is a milkshake it's loaded with sugar with fat with calories it is just your typical loal treat Milkshake the other group were like this is a protein shake it's a health drink it's low low sugar low carb high protein low cal health drink they monitored the blood Spike the blood Spike uh the glucose Spike for the group that thought it was a milkshake reacted how you would expect like a a glucose Spike to behave the group that thought it was a health drink it was significantly lower like their blood responded and in a fashion that was this is a health drink so they weren't getting that insulin Spike and the insulin spike is absolutely going to um trigger uh fat retention so you could do little hacks like have apple cider vinegar before you eat like a carb heavy meal something like that's going to control your Spike and then hopefully reduce the amount of fat that you're putting on but like those are like two critical aspects I mean if you get into sleep deprivation if you get into cortisol if you get into women's Cycles like there's so many other things thyroid hormones testosterone levels in men and women all of these things play into how you are going to look how you lose weight how you gain weight so to just simply say if you have a [ __ ] microbiome you have a [ __ ] attitude and you think all of this food is an enemy in making you sick um you're going to be gaining weight and you're not sleeping all of the stress right like you're setting yourself up for failure so until you address all of these other protocols I don't think that diet alone is going to be the thing that makes you look good naked but it it's a problem with people like you know I've consumed a little bit of James Smith's content where it just pops up on Tik Tok or Instagram reals and you know I'm sure he's a great guy but it's a limitation of that type of platform where to explain a complicated argument inside 60 seconds you have to defa to these reductionist arguments of no it's just calories in versus calories out like you can do that type of thing for a short period of time as well like everyone's hooked on this idea that everything has to be sustainable like everything doesn't have to be sustainable if I want to save for a mortgage I can save like 90% of my total salary each month for a period of 12 months get the mortgage and then move to something that's more sustainable likewise with diet you can hit these periods of severe calorie restriction but they don't come without a cost like you're saying to microbion at some point if you want to be a healthy person it's multifaceted you need to look at you reference the the mental side of it like how
You see yourself your identity I think is a really undervalued part of that puzzle yeah they've done studies so Dr Joe despenza I want to say has it in his becoming Supernatural book or super human book I can't remember the title B great book um he references this study and it's two different groups of cleaning ladies and they work at different hotels so they have no interaction with each other and with one group they were they kind of just monitored their calories their weight loss and um were just like trying to see like over a span of time what was happening with them like they they were the control group the other group they told them hey did you know that all of this work that you're doing is actually exceeding the daily recommended amount of movement and this is setting you up for losing fat and losing weight and having like this really um healthy lifestyle the group that went into it with like the positive mindset and went into it thinking that they were having like a calorie expenditure like they were going above and beyond the daily recommended amount of movement actually lost significantly more weight than the other group so again like mindset is huge it's massive and to like discount that entirely I think is crazy yeah James clear I'm not sure if you read the book Atomic habits he has this idea that each of those actions is a vote for the type of identity we want to have so for me for a long time I my routine was that of a professional athlete getting up and a professional athlete has his kit laid out the night before he knows what training he's going to do the next day has roots planned out everything's planned but then when I defaulted into being single drinking too much dating too much I had a really unhealthy lifestyle and I put on some weight but when I wanted to get my health back the big Saving Grace for me was I didn't look like an athlete but I still viewed myself as an athlete and I still had all those athletic habits so much like a fighter would put on weight after a fight he doesn't stop viewing himself as a fighter he looks at it as the seasonality of being a fighter okay now I'm in the offseason where I've put on a little bit of weight now it's time to get back to the Grind now it's time to cut weight now it's time for the fight now it's time to put on weight and a seasonal it abs and flows when you have that identity and you get that identity by casting those votes like you're saying healthy habits that you're sure this is like the right path there are validations for that type of person you want to become yeah and you get to side like that that power is ultimately up to you I think it gets tricky if you're you know battling something like depression or anxiety and you know there's just again there's so many angles that when it comes to weight loss and well-being and Longevity and all of those things so you kind of have to figure out what is the easiest thing for you to improve on and then stack based off stack moving forward off of that so not like you have to address every single issue right away like you have to do your diet and your work like I think a lot of us do that when we're trying to create a new habit is we try to to do everything at once and it becomes overwhelming so it doesn't stick so it's it's own in um Master one and then move on to the next excuse the short Interruption but I wanted to find a way to bring our little Community together to problem solve to share training advice and to support each other in what can sometimes be a lonely road as we all Chase health happiness and Longevity through cycling to facilitate this I've set up a Discord Channel I'm going to leave a link in the description down below it doesn't cost anything to join it's totally free plus I'm also picking out random winners for spot prizes inside the Discord Channel if you'd like to join it click on the link down below we went through a period and I'm sure You' seen this in the adult industry as well where it's you know that Kate M quote of nothing tast is go to skinny fields and we' seen that in sport as well I've interviewed on the podcast someone called Yanni brovich and he won one of the most prestigious hilly races in the world and he got to the top of the hill that evening after winning you know the zenet of climbing stages and went into the bathroom and made himself sick suffering from severe bulimia so the pendulum swung way too far I think most sensible people will agree that but at the moment we're seeing the pendulum swinging all the way back to the other side I know fat shaming and this needing to obsess about how the quote from Fight Club the idea of cramming into a gym and looking exactly how Calvin Klein said we should look that's not right but also fact glorification isn't right either and my dad's been overweight my entire life basically so I've seen firsthand the effects of this and there seems to be almost a a wall Garden around disagreeing with the prevailing narratives at the moment like it's difficult to deny the reality that weighing 350 pounds is not healthy like you're at an increased risk of chronic disease you have lifestyle limitations by virtue of being heavy you wouldn't experience those at your ideal body weight also there's mental health implications to that do you have kind of a thought on that F fat activism that we're saying at the moment I honestly think it was cultivated by a bunch of Mean Girls right they just like taking out the competition or something because like you'll see these beautiful women that are of like an ideal body weight and then they'll look at someone like lizo and be like you go girl you're so beautiful and yes Queen but if you thought that then why are you not that weight right it's like it doesn't it doesn't add up why are you shaming yourself if you have two slices of pizza and you're going to Pilates twice a day like why are you
Doing that if you think that other thing is healthy and beautiful and that's the way that you know we're supposed to be living I don't I don't really know what it is um and it's a huge disservice to a lot of people because you're telling them like you're not telling them that there's a problem so much to the point where some people are saying they don't want to be weight anymore when they go to the doctor they don't want to talk this is a real thing I've heard this yeah they're like I would rather it's triggering for me so don't put me on the scale or it's triggering for me don't discuss my weight well okay all of a sudden you start getting all these autoimmune disorders or women were already at a higher risk of um heart disease all of these things but you're not addressing the fundamental issue how do you expect to be taken care of and then you can get into like the politics of um you know like the health care cost and the implications of that so it's really strange that we're all kind of pretending that this is normal this is healthy and it's fine it's kind of like the emperor Emperor is wearing no clothing uh and I don't know I think I see it on both sides because now you see that drug o what is OIC and a lot of the celebrities are taking it yeah it's the Kardashian one is it yeah and they're so [ __ ] skinny so it's back to Kate Moss on that side so we have we don't have like a healthy representation like where are those really thick sexy volleyball chicks and why aren't they being propped up like that's healthy why is that not the role model we either have one polarity which is a skeleton and you're like how are you even standing and there's no way you're going to make it to 85 if that's what you keep doing and then we have someone like lizo who is morbidly obese maybe not clinically I don't really know the clinical diagnosis but she's she's clearly obese and we're saying like that's okay too you're not going to make it to past 85 at that weight either so I mean what do you want out of your Society do you want a healthy society that is you know um I don't know like not a burden to the medical care system not a burden to their family able to play with their grandchildren not taking a cocktail at pills to S sustain I don't know it's bizarre I don't know where these narratives get pushed I this was one of the areas I wanted to talk about and I threw it into chat GPT just before we came on and the question I asked it was can you make an argument in can you make an argument saying that the body positivity movement is actually not a positive movement and I came back and I said I'm sorry but I cannot make an argument in favor of the idea that body positivity is dangerous or in any way negative in fact the BOS body positivity movement promotes acceptance and love for all body types shapes and sizes and encourages people to have a healthy relationship with our bodies like that's not helpful no and it's not healthy to look at yourself at 300 lb and say this is good enough I think there's to not identify with your body I think is important right like you're not this meat sack that you are operating in the third dimension as like you're a lot more than that but also this is your responsibility here and you want to take care of it and you only have it for you know 60 70 80 years typically so how are you going to do that um I think there's a big difference between having gratitude like I can go up the stairs and this body gets me from A to B and this body is strong enough to pick up my child and hug my lover and whatever it is like you can look at it that way but say like but there's a lot of area for improvement I need to be taking care of it I need to be losing this weight I need to be getting stronger I need to be more flexible um whatever it is not just like a blind acceptance and like this is good enough because you see the girls and guys on the Billboards and the guy with the top off and he has the six-pack and the girl looks you know she's bikini beach ready and I've heard commentators coming out and saying you know we can't use those anymore because it's a totally unattainable identity and I'm like that's not unattainable at all being a professional athlete that's unattainable because you know there's a genetic component to it you can do all the training all the diet all the mental training maybe you just don't have it like you're SWAT or you're not at the very top end the 1% of the 1% it's an elite erir and not everybody's designed to breed that air but the idea that anybody can't be in shape and anybody can't have a six-pack it's like go to the gym three days a week and watch what you eat hydrate well sleep well take a couple of supplements it's not rocket science it's discipline and it's a very attainable goal for any single person listening to the podcast I would say for any man I think it's for most women to get a six-pack you're actually probably at an unhealthy body fat level yeah because like we're supposed to have a little bit extra around the midsection hip thighs but to be able to be fertile so most women it's you're probably operate you're probably like not getting your period anymore your hormones are probably a mess there's obviously exceptions to the rule but when you see someone that has um you know like that very chiseled female body like I would say for most women that's unattainable at a healthy level and I think that this is where the overcorrection came because we had Kate Moss is like one of our poster children for um what beauty was and that is unattainable at a healthy level for virtually every woman right like she was that she coined the term heroin uh skinny like heroin Chic right that's not okay that's not healthy I don't want that and I
Think that it would have been better back when I was growing up if I saw more athletic women like women that built a strong body so maybe not chiseled but like that were strong and had powerful legs but we got there at some point with JLo Beyonce like these were beautiful girls who weren't necessarily de Kate mosold yeah but who else Bes like what in the model world like those were two two um like performers so I would say yes but and then you have Tyra Banks and Cindy Crawford and they were a little bit more curvy but then Tyra Banks goes and starts the show Top Model where she's berading very thin models calling them plus- siiz so it's like well you would be by be plus-sized by your own standard so that's not healthy either so I think we haven't really celebrated like a strong female body you know what I mean like we'll see Serena Williams and a lot of people are like oh my gosh that's too much I'm like she is in a different caliber of woman than me like I like she like that's strong that's healthy that's beautiful um but yeah like we don't we don't really prioritize like a strong woman I seen you had Matt Zan as one of your previous guests on the podcast he's also been on my podcast as well have you played around with psychedelics I have a little bit um I think that you have to be so careful in in the context that you're doing it in and the setting and that you know container is a a word a lot of people use so when it comes to like a facilitator you have to ask why are they doing it is it ego- driven are they doing it because you're giving them a sense of fulfillment a sense of purpose or have they really practiced with indigenous methods ancestral methods they put in the time and the proper training and protocol there's an integration that happens um there I think that for some people it is very beneficial I think for some people it can create a super ego so you want to find a very reliable person that is facilitating it holding the space um and has like a very stringent integration process at the end that helps you process it and come up with like a road map for now what do you do after what do you mean by super ego so super ego um you have these people that are taking these really powerful drugs very recreationally probably a bit too often probably in the wrong space in the wrong container probably with no protocol and they have this psychedelic experience and then they you know they have a quote ego death well as long as you have have a body you have an ego like that is what I believe that's what some of my teachers have said um there is no like ego death so step one they think that they lose their ego or they transcend their ego they think that they me met God maybe they did I don't know and now they have all the answers and now they're enlightened and they're the ones with the information and you haven't done the right psychedelics enough psychedelics and you just don't have the keys to the kingdom they do so now they have like this almost sense of entitlement or this cast system that they create to where um like they're at the top of the hierarchy and you see that a lot you see it a lot in California I think a lot of the woke movement comes from that so again it it like needs you need that integration process and you need a proper facilitator and through that I don't know how you find the right one you just kind of have to feel it out maybe have someone that has really good references but if you have like a lay person with no experience or very little experience and then they're Mo like they're Mo moderating or um adjusting the dose level and telling the shaman what to do that's a problem like the shaman is the one that has the training they're supposed to be the spiritual post and uh think you have to be very careful with that this is a weird trait we have as humans we like to subdivide communities that are already quite Niche and fringy communities I was out riding my off-road gravel bike a few weeks ago I was kind of sunset on a local Trail that's overlooking the cliff at sorry sunrise and it's basically abandoned at Sunrise there's no one around these Cliffs and I'm riding my bike along there and the sole Hill Walker that I come across screams at me for riding my bike on the trails says it's for hikers I was just stopping I was chatting to him like not in a confrontational way and kind of a chilled out way I was like the outdoor active Community is such a small community anyway like we don't need to subdivide it further by saying okay this is only suitable for people with walking sticks and walking boots and it's not suitable for you because you're in a bike and it seems like this saying need to subdivide something as you're saying it's happening in the Psychedelic community that there's like almost subdivided into the self-proclaimed enlightened versus the non- enlightened well yeah there's that and then also if you have the mentality that psychedelics are going to save the world I mean that's not true they would have already done it they've been around before people right mushrooms are older than we are so if you have this idea that that's all it is you just have to take a really heroic dose of psilocybin and all of your woes are going to be gone sadly disappointed because like you really need a professional there that's taking care of your mind your body your spirit afterwards as my husband always says because we're all three of those things we're that Divine Trinity so we're only really trying to address it from Spirit but if you don't have someone to help you break down what happened and to apply that into your day-to-day life you're going to forget any of the lessons that you learned you might develop a super ego you might think you have all of the answers and you're kind of worse off than you were before so um I think when it comes to like we
See tella Health happening right now where you have people just throwing ketamine to people without a without a facilitator without integration without proper vetting that's crazy to me that ketamine is highly addictive it's not without any risk so I don't know I think we're entering like again everything is a pendulum and sometimes we overcorrect in a lot of area areas and I think it's really important that if you're doing any powerful psychedelic um that you seek out a professional that you're not doing it by yourself you're not doing it recreationally and that you go into it from like a very perspective because if you think about the importance of rituals and that's what you're talking about it's it's rituals like drink is quite accepted alcohol is quite accepted in most cultures and it's not a problem because it's accompanied by a ritual that we might even know as a ritual we normally don't drink uh during the day we normally don't drink alone we normally don't drink when we're driving you know we drink in the evening with friends around food with family but when we deviate from those rituals it becomes a real problem and when you throw in quite powerful drugs like ketamine or other various psychedelics in the absence of rituals it's a dangerous enough spot to start your psychedelic experience I couldn't agree more and I really love those examples that you gave with alcohol I've heard those before too and a lot of times we don't realize that we are prescribing to that ritual but they're there for a reason and simple like marriage as well that's an important ritual whether or not you you know uphold the state legality of it that's not important it's the important uh of having people in a community that are going to support that Union so when things get hard like these are your people like they're also kind of making that bond with you and with like your husband or wife saying like through thick and thin we're going to help each other it's kind of like that tribal support so when we get rid of that I think that we also lose an important aspect of what marriage really is so yeah we have all of these protocols and sometimes we don't necessarily understand the value of them but the ancestors did like all of our our elders did and we're just losing a lot of that inherent knowledge and you know we've seen the importance of some of those rituals when they were stripped from us J lockdowns the ritual of burying our dead and the idea of being able to Mas gather at a funeral and say goodbye to someone maybe we didn't think we needed that but the families and you know I was one of those families didn't get to say goodbye to my uncle during that period it leaves it it leaves it open-ended it doesn't TI and not in it like other debts we've had in the family yeah that's I'm so sorry that you had to go through that that's horrible I saw um there was one viral video going around and it was two brothers and a mom and you know their dad had died and they're at their funeral and they have all the seats six feet apart and the mom's there by herself grieving so both of the sons grabbed their chairs and sat next to their mom and embraced her and then you see security coming over and scolding them and telling them to get away from their grieving mother and I'm like we have lost the [ __ ] plot we have lost the plot people because that is the most most inhumane thing that I've seen in a really long time in a really long time and that grieving process is is so crucial right that's why we have people that like sit Shiva for a week because you have to feel it you can't escape it you can't pretend it didn't happen you have to say your goodbyes yeah a lot of people and to die alone like that like how cruel and unusual it just I think this is what happens when we lead with fear is that we're so quick to give away so much of our sovereignty because we want Daddy or Mommy to take care of us and we don't know that we can do it ourselves like I don't know I get I still get so worked up when I see the remnants of you know the the last couple years because it was a lot of bad decision-making and I think what's even more deplorable is that there's like not an apology now that more information's coming out it's not like I'm sorry we messed up we should have done things differently it's like oh well we didn't know we didn't know any better it's kind of like what they're saying sorry we'll do better next time and there wasn't at least on our end even a coherence postmortal you know if we were to look at the effects you know which difficult to measure stuff like social isolation and loneliness key markers like even the World Health Organization for all its flaws identified loneliness is going to be one of the biggest killers in the next decade coming but there is stuff we can quite easily measure like deviations from the median suicide numbers like through the roof suicide through that period but we haven't had a coherence postmortem on the effects of all that no I've I feel like you'll hear a few Brave voices that are talking about deaths of Despair and really showing those numbers and where they were in 2020 2021 and 2022 and like you said those are skyrocketed so if you're not taking those into consideration when it comes to total deaths since all of this then you're you're kind of coming from it with like an ideological standpoint like you want an outcome that you want instead of like looking at all of the information so you have to take all of that into account right like suicides going up is not not a big deal um people that are developing like alcoholism is not not a big deal people that are overdosing is not not a big deal so we have to kind of look at the whole picture and say like what was the right decision taking in all of the information that we had and just take a little bit of a turn before we finish up I just I'd like to pick your brain
On mindset and we have this idea in sport of a flow State now in my short but colorful life I have watched one or two adult uh movies and I'm sure there a there's a flow State element to that but in your career as a podcaster it seems like one of the Treads that you pick at a lot and it's a similar Trad that I try and uncover all the time it's these Treads that link top performers together bday you know adult entertainers athletes scientists academics and for me one of them that I've uncovered is this ability to turn on and turn off Flow State what do you think that is what do you think allows any of those different people or professions to perform at their best what contributes towards that oh my gosh so I have you ever had Stephen Cotler on your podcast no oh my gosh yeah so he's kind of like the the daddy of Flow State so he wrote um stealing fire with Jamie wheel then they kind of like split off and did their own thing and they have like very different flavors of Flow State um I am not great at getting myself there intentionally like I find that it's it's easy for me to get derailed if I'm doing something physical it just kind of happens for me so it's like this ultimate presence where time is different and everything is just kind of happening for you and there's just like this really easy flow um so yeah when I was shooting scenes I just would go there unintentionally I was like wow this is amazing I don't even notice that there's 50 people in the room right now so you just really are in the zone with podcasting I think sometimes it happens just through natural chemistry for me so again I think feeling like I'm prepared for it like I did did enough research um they say competence is confidence so like putting in the work beforehand is going to set you up for success but the thing that I do work on is even after this for example so if you get into flow I think what they say like the most you can kind of do is 90 minutes and then you kind of peak and it'll start to go away is I get really hyped up after a podcast whether it's like my own or being a guest if I'm in a flow state so I have to go do something that's um like a what do you call it like gentle recovery so whether that's gentle yoga a walk some still some kind of movement not just like super static but like some kind of recovery is necessary otherwise you're going to be like I need wine I need a beer I need to go for a Sprint like there's just all of this energy from that um from that flow state so to be able to take a break after 90 minutes and then do something gentle and Recovery to get back into it if you need to or want to but yeah it's really hard I would definitely recommend Steven Cutler's work if you want more of a protocol into getting into it because for me I still find myself there accidentally yeah I'm kind of the same it's more it's activity driven for me I'll turn up at a bike race and they'll drop the flag at the start and then I look down at my boy computer and it's like it's three and a half hours into the race and it has a way of manipulating like condensing time and like again like that I just glanced at the clocker and we've been chatting for 50 minutes and I was like wow where did that time go but I'm sure you've had that experience where you're on an uncomfortable date or you're at a wedding and you're kind of sat beside somebody and it's you're trying to pull the conversation along and you're like oh my God I look down five minutes is only gone when the hell is my husband going to get back from the bathroom this time has gone forever yeah theory of relativity it's absolutely bizarre so for me it's still very activity driven but I'm excited to dig into his protocol for achieving in a more sort of conscious deliberate way no yeah I think you and your listeners will really love his work and he does podcasts and he's pretty easy to to get into touch with so I would definitely reach out he'd be an excellent guest Candace have absolutely loved this chat before we head off give us a plug for your podcast so people can go and check it out well thank you so much for having me this was a blast and if you want to check out my podcast you can go to chatting withth candice.com and it links to my YouTube and my podcast and my socials all on there I'll link it all up in the show notes Candice you're a legend thank you very much thank you if you enjoyed that episode please press here for another conversation that I know you're going to love and don't forget to subscribe to the channel and share it with your clubmates
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