I have been thinking about whether to record this episode for a while. It is not a training breakdown. There are no expert guests. This is just me talking about something I do not usually talk about publicly — a period in my life when I was not okay, and how cycling became the thing that held me together.
A few years ago, everything that could go wrong seemed to go wrong at the same time. Without getting into specifics that are not mine alone to share, I hit a point where getting out of bed in the morning felt like an achievement. I was not sleeping properly. I was not eating properly. I had this constant weight sitting on my chest that would not shift. If you have been there, you know what I mean. If you have not, I hope you never do.
The bike was not a magic fix. I want to be really clear about that. I got professional help. I talked to people who knew what they were doing. But the bike was the one constant through all of it. On mornings when I could not face anything else, I could face a ride. Not a fast one. Not a structured one. Just getting out the door, clipping in, and turning the pedals.
There is something about the rhythm of cycling that quiets the noise in your head. The repetitive motion, the breathing, the focus required to hold a line or watch for traffic — it does not leave much room for the thoughts that were eating me alive the rest of the day. For 90 minutes, the only thing I had to think about was the road in front of me.
The community side mattered more than I expected. My Saturday group ride became the most important appointment on my calendar. Not because of the training. Because people were expecting me. That accountability — knowing that someone would text if I did not show up — got me out the door on days when I had absolutely zero motivation to move.
Training structure helped too. Having a plan gave me a sense of control when everything else felt chaotic. Ticking off sessions, watching small improvements, seeing the numbers move — it reminded me that I was still capable of progress. That I was still moving forward even when it did not feel like it.
I am in a much better place now. And I am not sharing this because I think my experience is unique — I am sharing it because I know it is not. If you are in a rough patch right now, I want you to know that the bike can be part of how you come through it. Not the whole answer, but a piece of it. Get the help you need from the right people. And keep riding.
The most important ride is the next one.
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